Mew: Pokémon Porn Star?
by The Vicious One
Summary: (Sonic/PKMN Crossover) After Rouge tells a funny story, Mew wants to try Nude Posing to impress Mewtwo, but who know what'll happen! This fic is rated R for Mature Themes, Nudity, and Adult Content. (READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!) Enjoy and R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Mew: Pokémon Porn Star???  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Poké, Sonic, Final Fantasy 7, ect., so go get yourselves a coke and have a hell of a good time, y'hear? ^__^  
  
  
The sun rises, as we look over...Whirl Islands...  
  
Lugia: (Watching American Idol) Man, what a bunch of posers...  
Celebi: But this show wasn't supposed to be on till tommorow!  
Lugia: We get our shows on FOX a day in advance. ^__^  
Celebi: I should've known...  
  
Meanwhile, at the Local Starbocks in Kanto...  
  
Mewtwo: (sipping a coffee) So then, he says "Hey, if I'm a Blue Eyes White Dragon, then how do I compare to Bahamut ZERO?"  
Sonic and Shadow: (Bust out laughing)  
Mew: ^__^ You're so funny, Mewtwo! I love your humor!  
Mewtwo: Well, thanks, Mew.  
Sonic: Yeah, sorta reminds me of when we did Sonic SatAM a long time ago...  
  
Suddenly, Rouge comes in to the Starbocks...with loads of cash too!  
  
Rouge: (Placing 200 zenny on the counter) Double Amaretto Capucinno, please?  
Clerk: (Too busy staring at Rouge's revealing cleavage)  
Rouge: -__- TODAY, BOY!  
Clerk: Oh, right! Sorry! (Makes the capucinno and hands it to Rouge)  
Rouge: Men...  
Mewtwo: Hey...you're that one spy chick with the big boobs, right?  
Rouge: Sure, if you wanna say it in front of all these people...  
Mew: (Whispers to Mewtwo) They're fake!  
Sonic: So, what happened with you and Knux, Rouge?  
Rouge: Well, me and him were at that nice pizza place over by where Joey's is, right? So, I go there, then some guy says "Hey, you're that chick in the magazine!"  
Shadow: Huh?  
Rouge: Well, he goes and says that I'm supposedely a global wide sex symbol! . The nerve of some people!  
Every guy in the Starbocks: (Stares at Rouge)  
Rouge: Did I mention it sorta made me rich, cause they wanted me to pose in the same magazine too? ^__^  
Mewtwo: I thought you said they were perverts!  
Rouge: They were, but then, that's when they mentioned money!  
Mew: Easy money for modeling, eh?  
  
The next day, Mew heads to the magazine company, 2 Hot 4 U Models Magazine.  
  
Mew: Hi, I'd like to speak with the owner of this magazine.  
Receptionist: Ok, just a minute. (Calls the owner) Hi, there's a pink cat-like, pokémon here to see you. (Pause) Ok, thanks. (Hangs up) He'll be right here, Ms...  
Mew: Mew.  
Receptionist: O.O I didn't know you was THE Mew! The Mew that goes out with Mewtwo!  
Mew: ^__^ Well, that's true...  
  
Suddenly, The Owner of the magazine comes in, and it turns out to be...  
  
Montél Vicious: (With some british accent) HELLO! It's me, Montél Vicious!  
Mew: VICIOUS?!?  
Montél Vicious: Oh, is this the Mew I hear so much about from my cousins? (Hugs Mew) Oh, Judge Vicious, Dr. Vicious, and Vicious Himself told me all about you!  
Mew: Hee hee, I seem to have that effect... (sweatdrop)  
Montél Vicious: So, Mew, my dear, what brings you to MY magazine, hmmmmmm?  
Mew: Well, this may sound weird, but...I wanna try modeling for you.  
Montél Vicious: (Gasp) You...want to model...FOR ME?! What gave you that idea?!  
Mew: Rouge the Bat said it pays good money! Plus, it makes you very popular...and seem more sexual...  
Montél Vicious: Rouge...she was very nice 2 weeks ago. Anyways, let's get you started...  
  
They go into his office, and after LOTS of paperwork...  
  
Montél Vicious: Ok, one more question...are you afraid of being in the buff, aka, 'Public Nudity'?  
Mew: Y-you mean like...me being... (gulp) ...naked?  
Montél Vicious: Weeeeeell, sorta...  
Mew: I don't know...only Mewtwo has seen me...  
Montél Vicious: (Subdued) I see...well, don't worry. This is a private place, no one will see you nude, but me and my camera!  
Mew: (Teasing) I don't know...how do I know I can trust you...?  
Montél Vicious: (Blushing) Oh ho ho, please Mew! I'm 35, and happily married.  
Mew: But you look 17 or 18ish.  
Montél Vicious: Me and my cousins look alike, disregarding age.  
Mew: Oh...  
  
Later, out in the modeling room...  
  
Montél Vicious: Ok, camera ready, lights ready...one more thing...Mew! Are you ready?  
Mew: (In her dressing room) Um, I g-guess so... (Comes out in a robe, and without her usual pink fur on either)  
Montél Vicious: Well, child. This is it, you ready to be a star?  
Mew: Ready as I'll ever be! Oh, and one more thing...  
Montél Vicious: Yes?  
Mew: Send the first copy of this to Mewtwo! I wanna give him a little gift...if you catch my drift. ~__^  
Montél Vicious: Mew, you know I will, ASAP too!  
Mew: Well, shall we begin?  
Montél Vicious: Yes, we shall. (Gets camera ready)  
Mew: Ok, here's goes nothing...  
  
Mew begins to untie her robe belt and take her robe off. (Insert 'the stripper' music)  
  
Montél Vicious: Show me love now, girl! (Starts taking pictures) (God, I love this job!)  
  
Meanwhile, back at Unknown Dungeon...  
  
Mewtwo: (Playing 'Go Fish' with Lugia) Got any 8s?  
Lugia: Go fish.  
Mewtwo: God... (searches deck) Well, Lugia, here's the problem, you have all the 8s!  
Lugia: Uhhhhh...  
Mewtwo: ...  
Lugia: .............Go fish!  
Mewtwo: Screw this crap! Let's play poker, and I bet 800 zenny.  
Lugia: You're goin' down sucker!  
Mew: (Walking into U.D., humming 'the stripper' to herself)  
Mewtwo: Mew! Where were you?  
Mew: I'm not tellin' you, it's a secret! ~__^  
Mewtwo: Uhhhh...you went to Blockbuster and rented Wayne's World?  
Mew: Nope...  
Mewtwo: Uhhhhhhh...Austin Powers?  
Mew: ...Close...  
Mewtwo: GoldMember?  
Mew: Nope.  
Mewtwo: But you said-  
Mew: Look, I didn't rent anything. I went somewhere personal, now, I'm going to bed.  
Mewtwo: Can I sleep with you tonight?  
Mew: Sure.  
Mewtwo: (Y-heah! I'm gonna socre with Mew tonight!)  
Mew: Excluding love making.  
Mewtwo: D'oh!  
Lugia: I win!  
Mewtwo: Wha'?  
Lugia: Here. (Shows his hand) Straight Flush.  
Mewtwo: -__- (Shows HIS hand) 4 Kings, and an Ace!  
Lugia: I win!  
Mewtwo: (Coming to his senses) ...D'oh!  
  
The next morning...  
  
Mewtwo: (Walking out to get the paper) Man, 800 zenny...  
James: Well, hey there, slick! How's that foxy cat of yours?  
Mewtwo: She's sleepin'...  
James: With you, I bet!  
Meowth: Man, she mus' be a demon in da sack!  
Mewtwo: You guys are freaks. (Goes inside)  
  
But from inside U.D., Mewtwo can hear...  
  
Sonic: Man, did you see Mew?  
Shadow: I dunno what do say except...Damn! She's fine!  
Rouge: Eh, I've seen bigger...  
Mewtwo: (Going outside again) Hey, if I catch you guys watchin' Mew in the shower again, I'm kickin' all your asses! (Goes back inside)  
Sonic: Well, the straight man laid his ground down...  
  
They all laugh. Meanwhile, Mewtwo reads the newspaper.  
  
Mewtwo: Let's see, stocks, sports, shocking news! My favorite! (Turns to Shocking News) Let's see. "Yesterday, 2 HOT 4 U Model Magazine sold over two trillion copies featuring their new model." Wow...that's shocking!  
Mew: (Yawns) Mornin' Two.  
Mewtwo: Hey, Mew, check this out. (Shows Mew the Article)  
Mew: WHOA! That's a lot!  
Mewtwo: I know...  
Mew: Oh, Mewtwo. I gotta go, I got to buy some stuff.  
Mewtwo: o__O Like what?  
Mew: You know, 'Stuff'!  
Mewtwo: ...Like?  
Mew: Mewtwo, female pokémon have needs too, so shut up! (Flies off)  
Mewtwo: Man...she acts like she was just in Playboy or something... (Hears a jingle) Mail's here!  
  
Mewtwo goes out to get and finds a current issue of...BUM, BUM, BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!!!  
  
Mewtwo: (Gasp) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
Lugia: (Out of nowhere) What's wrong, Mewtwo?  
Mewtwo: Look! (Shows him the current issue of...)  
Lugia: (Screams) WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?  
  
Later on, Mew returns.  
  
Mew: Hello? Mewtwo? (Flips on the lights, revealing Mewtwo, with an angry look on his face)  
Mewtwo: Mew, we have to talk.  
Mew: Uhhhh, about what?  
Mewtwo: Do you know...WHAT THE HELL THIS CRAP IS?!? (Shows her the current issue of...)  
Mew: Oh no! It can't be! The current issue of...ARCHIE'S EROTIC ADVENTURE?!?  
Mewtwo: Why'd you waste good zenny on that piece of garbage?!  
Mew: Mewtwo, this ain't ours...it's Ash's.  
Mewtwo: (Looks at it) Oh, then send it back to him.  
Mew: (Does so, and returns 5 minutes later) He said it was Brock's and he'd give it too him tommorow.  
Mewtwo: Ok, lemme see my other mail.  
Mew: (I hope he sees my 'personal' letter...hee hee...)  
Mewtwo: Bills, bills, Jury Duty...bills, hello, what's this? (Picks up package) This is to inform you, Mewtwo Mewtwo, that you are awfully lucky to have a girl like Mew. Signed, Montél Vicious, 2 HOT 4 U Model Magazine?? What's this?!  
Mew: Open it, and see for yourself.  
  
Mewtwo opens it and finds the current issue of...  
  
Mewtwo: No way! NO F***ING WAY!!! You were in this magazine?!  
Mew: Yep! Go ahead, check me out.  
  
Mewtwo flips through the many pages...  
  
Mewtwo: (Sees a pic) Whoa.  
Mew: I know!  
Mewtwo: (Sees a better pic) Whoa!  
Mew: Tantalizing, isn't it? ~__^  
Mewtwo: (Sees a BETTER pic, and drools)  
Mew: I'm sexy, aren't I?  
Mewtwo: Mew...I've never wanted to make love to like more than anything in the world!  
Mew: Well, hang on, Mr. Fat-Cat, I wanna show you something... (Goes into the bathroom, and gets changed)  
Mewtwo: What are you doin', Mew?  
Mew: (Comes back in the same robe, without her pink fur again) Mewtwo, I wanna show you...the whole package that no one else will ever see...  
Mewtwo: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Do that!  
  
Mew gets Mewtwo's CD Player, puts in a Live CD, changes it to the song 'Voodoo Lady' and starts stripping her robe off.  
  
Mewtwo: O.O Oh, man...Mew...I feel all wiggly-jiggly inside...  
Mew: How about I go further than that. (Gets on Mewtwo)  
Mewtwo: Mew, give me the goods...  
Mew: (Starts giving Mewtwo a lap dance)  
Mewtwo: (Oh, man. I'm such a lucky pokémon!)  
  
Outside, watching in the window...  
  
Sonic: Oh, man! I think we're gonna see it! (Whips out Lugia's legendary camcorder)  
Shadow: Man, this is 10 times better than porno!  
  
The next day...  
  
Mew: (Counting her zenny) 1,000...2,000...man, Mewtwo...I'm as rich as Rouge now!  
Mewtwo: As long as you stay sexy, you'll always be rich in my opinion.  
Mew: Oh, Mewtwo... (Kisses Mewtwo on the mouth)  
Mewtwo: Lemme see what's on the news... (Flips on TV)  
Joey McMonstro: In other news, a new model appeared in 2 HOT 4 U model magazine. Her name...Amy Rose!  
Mewtwo: O.o Amy Rose?!  
Mew: Oh, no! My career is ruined! (Starts bawling)  
Mewtwo: Aw, Mew...it's just that old stars fade an-  
Rouge: (Busting in) That slut! I want her dead!  
Mewtwo: No! Don't kill Mew! She's too sweet!  
Rouge: No, Amy Rose!  
Mew: She killed your career too?!  
Rouge: Damn right!  
Mewtwo: We gotta find a way to stop her, that little hellcat!  
Mew: (Cha-ching!) Hey, I know! Rouge... (Whispers something in her ear)  
Rouge: You mean like...on camera?!  
Mew: No, like on Pay-Per-View on Friday Night at Midnight!  
Rouge: Eeeeewwwww, you're sick, Mew!  
Mewtwo: What do you mean?  
Mew: Well, Mewtwo, if you wanna know how to make me famous again... (Whispers her plan to Mewtwo)  
Mewtwo: WHAT?!? That's just sick!  
Lugia: Hey gusy, what about-  
Mewtwo: Not now, Lugia!  
  
To Be Continued...???  
  
Uh oh! Another cliffhanger! Well, I've got an excuse this time.So now that Mew's nude modeling career is over, she has one other alternative, but what will it be?! And why are the Sonic Team tryin' the get in the situation as well?! All that, and a lot of Amy and Tracy bashing, coming soon. But in the meantime, lock yourselves in your closets and just keep saying to yourselves "Don't look at Mew Hentai." Cause I know some of you freaks like that stuff. If you do, then Kuromew will come after you with her cattleprod, and don't think I'll be behind her with my special friend...MY CHAINSAW! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Just kidding, but do stay tuned! And remember...READ AND REVIEW, or, you'll be hearing this sound...  
  
(Vicious fires up his chainsaw)  
  
STAY TUNED!!! :D 


	2. Taking Care of Business Mew's way!

Mew: Pokémon Porn Star???  
  
Disclaimer: Same old, same old...  
While Mew and gang plans how to stop Amy Rose, we join a certain Magazine owner...  
Montél Vicious: (On the phone with his agent) Well, I dunno. Mew was a big success, but Amy Rose looks attractive...No, you're stupid! You know what...yeah. You're fired! Bye! (Hangs up)  
  
Mew suddenly comes in.  
  
Mew: How could you hire that hellcat?!  
Montél Vicious: What?  
Mew: She beat my cover sensless!  
Montél Vicious: Amy Rose hit hard, I guess.  
Mew: Well, guess what? I'll go her one better than that!  
Montél Vicious: How?  
  
Mew whispers into Montél's ear what her devilish idea is.  
  
Montél Vicious: WHAT?!? That-that-that...  
  
Meanwhile, at U.D...  
  
Mewtwo: (Still playing poker with Lugia) Does a Straight beat it?  
Lugia: Nope, Straight doesn't beat it a Royal Straight!  
Mewtwo: -__- I need to beat Lugia someday...  
Mew: (Breaks in) MEWTWO!!! I GOT A JOB TO BEAT AMY!!!  
Mewtwo: Poison testing?  
Lugia: Date with Tracy?  
Mew: ...Pay Per View Porn Star!  
Mewtwo: WHAT?!?  
Lugia: HUH?!?  
Sonic: You?  
Shadow: I'm bigger on Pay Per View...  
  
So, the next day, Mew goes too the Sensual Movies studio...  
  
Steven Viciousberg: So, you wanna beat Amy Rose at her own game, huh?  
Mew: Yeah! Gimme a good hot movie! Just look at this ugly and suggestive pose Amy did!  
Steven Viciousberg: (Sees the pic) Whoa...that's...too suggestive...  
Mew: She's playing with her crotch! HER CROTCH!!!  
Steven Viciousberg: Let's start flimming, right now...  
  
And as Mew starts her movie, another certain someone comes in...  
  
Steven Viciousberg: Oh, hello?  
Rouge: I'd like to-  
Steven Viciousberg: Beat Amy at her own game?  
Rouge: And I want everyone to see that MY size is better than Amy's.  
Mew: Uh, I hope we're not doing a lesbian movie...  
Rouge: Oh, God...let's hope not!  
  
Meanwhile, at Whirl Islands...  
  
Celebi: (Playing poker with Lugia) Royal Flush!  
Lugia: NO!  
Celebi: Yes! Take it off! (Starts scatting the tune for 'the stripper' as Lugia takes his fold off) Whoa! You're a beautiful nude pokémon!  
Lugia: Awww, I feel loved...  
Suicune: (Busts in) GUYS!!! Mew's gonna be in a-OH, MY GOD! MAKE YOURSELF DECENT, LUGIA!  
Lugia: Suicune, this is a private game, come back when it's over.  
Suicune: You're not gonna beileve this, but Lugia...Mew's gonna be in an adult movie! It's unspeakable!  
Celebi: She's on PPV?  
Lugia: ADULT MOVIE?! HOLY COW, I'VE GOTTA SEE THIS! (Runs out of Whirl Islands)  
Celebi: He's gonna feel really stupid when he finds out he forgot his fold. (Screams are heard outside) Yep, he knows right about...now.  
Lugia: AIIIIYEEEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
Back at...Brock's Gym...  
  
Annoucer: Tonight on 2 HOT Pav Per View, Mew stars in...Pokémon: The Wild Fantasies.  
Brock: Oh, this is gonna be so sweet!  
James: Pokémon making love is not my bag...  
Jessie: He prefers the human species... (Drags James to somewhere private)  
Brock: Damn, I wish Jessie'd done that to me!  
  
Back at Sensual Studios...  
  
Steven Viciousberg: Ok, Mew, I want you take the robe off when I begin flimming...  
Mew: (I'm finally gonna get revenge with that little hellcat!) Ready when you are, Speilberg-er, I mean, Viciousberg.  
  
Hot twangy porno music begins as Mew begins to strip her robe, but all of the sudden...  
  
Mewtwo: NO, MEW! DOOOOON'T! (Covers her)  
Steven Viciousberg: Hey, this is my movie! If you screw it up, you'll face millions of disapointed fans of Mew!  
Mewtwo: Well, you disapoint me, Viciousberg! How could you try to expose Mew to people like that?!  
Mew: To get revenge at Amy Rose!  
Mewtwo: Hold on, can't you see I'm scolding this guy here? Well, you're not, ok? If anyone's gonna expose Mew...it's gonna me!  
Mew: Wait, Mewtwo! What are you saying?  
Mewtwo: Mew, I'm willing to give up my dignity and face many scandalous papers, but Mew, no matter what happens, if this porn fails you or not, I'll always think you're the sexiest pokémon ever.  
Mew: (Tear rolls down her face) Oh, Mewtwo! Take me now!  
Mewtwo: Hello! (Gets pulled down on the floor by Mew to do...unspeakable things)  
Steven Viciousberg: Ok, aaaaaand, ACTION! (Starts filming)  
  
Later, after that kinky filming...  
  
Steven Viciousberg: Wow, that was an awesome piece of footage...  
Mew: That was outstanding, Mewtwo...  
Mewtwo: Whew! We have to get Amy back...  
  
Suddenly, after all that loving emotion...  
  
Amy Rose: You sick twits! You nearly wrecked the community with that filth!  
Mew: What, you can't compete against hot psychic pokémon action?  
Amy Rose: You guys are so disgusting!  
Mewtwo: And this pose is not? (Shows her the pic of that suggestive pose)  
Amy Rose: Eeek! I did that?! I don't remember that!  
Montél Vicious: (Busts in) Mew, please! Come back to model for me!  
Amy Rose: You little punk-ass twerp! (Slaps Montél Vicious)  
Montél Vicious: What did I do to you, child?  
Amy Rose: What in the blue f*** is this?! (Show him the pic)  
Montél Vicious: Huh?! I didn't do that!  
Mew: But you hired her, Montél!  
Montél Vicious: I just wanted her to go topless under a waterfall, and she agreed!  
Amy Rose: Well, if you didn't then...who did?  
  
(Camera Clicks!)  
  
Tracy Sketchit: Afterglow can be so arousing! Hee hee heeeee...  
Mew: (Dails 1-800-LAW-SUIT) Yeah, this Mew M. Psychic...yeah, I'm calling to set up a lawsuit against 2 HOT 4 U Magazine and Tracy Sketchit.  
  
Later, at the courthouse...  
  
Judge Vicious: Well, Montél, I'm sorta disapointed in you. Not only did you let Tracy Sketchit take lurk around your studio and try to provoke Amy Rose, but at the same time, you made Mew never know about it! What do you have to say for yourself?  
Montél Vicious: I didn't know Tracy was lurking around. I payed him 500 zenny to leave my place, and he agreed! But just today, he was lurking around taking pictures of Amy Rose in her dressing room!  
Tracy Sketchit: THAT'S A LIE!  
Judge Vicious: Well, since you're family...I'll let you go.  
Montél Vicious: WOOHOO!  
Judge Vicious: Ok, this is just ridiculious. I get called up in California for a law suit case because Tracy Sketchit was trying to get pictures of Amy Rose in her dressing room, and then I found my own cousin caught in the act?!  
Tracy Sketchit: That's about the size of it.  
Judge Vicious: GRRRR! Oh, I had 3 weeks vacation, and you've ruined it! Tracy Sketchit, for spying, sexual harassment, and other countless charges, I sentence you to life in Celadon City Prison in holding cell number 49X5. The same cell...AS GIOVANNI!  
Tracy Sketchit: NOOOOOOOOOO!!! (Gets dragged off by two men in white coats)  
  
The courtroom cheers for the victory.  
  
Amy Rose: So, I guess I'm off the hook, right?  
Judge Vicious: Not exactly, Ms. Rose. You see, Montél decieved you and you modeled for him at the age of 12, and it states you must be 18 or older to do so...so, for defrauding the system, I'm only gonna to ask for a 500 zenny fine.  
Amy Rose: (Tears begin to flow down her face) SOOOOONIKUUUUUU!!! (Runs off crying)  
Mew: We did it, Mewtwo!  
Mewtwo: Yep, we stopped a peeping tom, put Amy in her place, and everything's back to normal!  
Mew: I love you, Mewtwo. (Kisses Mewtwo on the cheek) Let's go home...  
Mewtwo: Yeah, and when we get there, I'll play you in strip poker...  
Mew: Feh, you'll lose easily.  
  
They turn around to see Judge Vicious still standing there. Mew goes over to Vicious.  
  
Mew: Hey, Judge Vicious?  
Judge Vicious: Yeah, Mew?  
Mew: Does this mean I'm not gonna get the money?  
  
(Cue Violin music)  
  
Judge Vicious: Well, I'm sorry. I got something back for you, though...your dignity. And no matter how much it may pressure you to get more money, whether it's posing nude or prostitution, you can't put a price on your dignity.  
Mewtwo: (Tear rolls down his face) That was very moving, Vicious...where'd you get that?  
Judge Vicious: From a X-Rated movie poster.  
  
(Music abruptly stops)  
  
Mew: Ah, nice...well, see you around.  
Judge Vicious: Bye, and remember, sometimes dignity prevails over everything!  
Mewtwo: What did he say?  
Mew: I missed it.  
  
Back at Whirl Islands...  
  
Lugia: (Watching Joe Millionaire) So, the girl wins 1,000,000 dollars just cause the guy loves her?  
Celebi: And he's not even a millionaire!  
Lugia: Boy, Reality TV sure sucks!  
Celebi: Yep...let's watch Real TV!  
Lugia: Ok! (Flips it over to The New TNN to watch Real TV)  
Celebi: All right! Let's see if someone gets caught in a car wreck!  
Lugia: No, let's see a bull fight go wrong!  
  
They turn to each other...  
  
Lugia and Celebi: LET'S WATCH SOME DOGS NEARLY KILL SOMEONE!  
Rouge: You guys are weird...  
Shadow: I don't know why we came over here anyways...  
END??? 


End file.
